Work for your life
It has already been three months in Madrid. Over one month working and living on our own. It feels good to have accomplished that, it really does.
At the same time it feels bad to leave behind a better job. Everyday I walk out of my new school thinking just that. Kids are terribly rude and bad-behaved, and not only my first graders, but the whole school. It is a true reflection of how the Spanish society works. And to think that when the other teachers in CA used to ask me about education in Spain, and I always said it was much better here... I have to take all those words back now.
So I try not to go nuts over the problems I witness everyday. Vinh has the same feeling, and it sucks, because you a big part of your teaching effort go to waste by the minute. That makes you think: "what good am I doing here?" And the answer is "not as much as the effort I put in to into should result into".
It is quite boring, frustrating and tiring for us working here. And basically, you cannot share your opinion with the rest of the staff (at least with most of it), because they don't have the same background experience or something to compare to. We look snobbish and crazy, sort of. So I get my headphones on everyday as I walk to and from the school, hoping for the musci to drawn all these thoughts into the sweeter memories of teaching in CA, which most times leads to other memories there. Now, with this gloomy weather, it leads me to think of Santa Cruz beach, always cloudy and cold. We usually go there to have bbq with the family... (sigh)
Work is not the only thing in life, no doubt abut it, but my friend Miriam says it is somethiong you give much to, you spend many hours in it, so it's better be a little pleasant. I like to think work is not the only or the main reason why we are moving back, but... I don't know. Are we to blame for what makes us happy? And for having the option of doing it, and chosing it? I know I am choosing that over family and friends. That is where my moral conflict starts. But... that is something only I can deal with.