I hate how you don’t realise there is a wall in front of you until you bump into it! I hate I have heard the saying “you don´t know what you have until you miss it” (or something to that effect) until you actually go through the painful process of missing it.And it is because, all in all, no matter how rational I was when I explained everyone that I was aware of many things coming my way: aware that not all things in Spain are great; aware that not everything in California is bad; aware that I might miss many things.It has not been until I have been here that I have finally understood its full meaning.
But most of all I am terrbily sorry that I was not ware of the full impact this wold have in Vinh. He is right: his moving here and my moving to The States do not compare. I had great advantage: I knew the languge; there was a Spanish-people community; I had the resources to come back and visit every so often; I could have a well paid job in the same conditions as any other American teacher; I could easily get a driver’s lisence; I could go to college… The States has really been for me a country of opportunities.I think now I will not like that last statement coming from the lips of anyone who has not really experienced such opportunities.
We came here with the hope (still held, but weakened) that this would be a permanent move. We had the big bucks to buy the house right away, and the big plans to do big things. Things have been rolling very smoothly for us, so no complaints about that. But so many pieces are missing in the puzzle… not just one.
Granted there will always be things to be missed here and there, but how about the overall picture? I have one already, a little to soon, I know. I need to give time to Vinh to ellaborate his own overview and put it in the balance to see what pays more. But in my mind I have no doubt that I have never felt closer to living in San Jose, that right now San Jose calls me with such power that the least doubt or discomfort on Vinh’s part will be just whatever little might I am missing to make me hop on to the plane head first and be more happy than sad about it.
A year is going to pass for sure… I will keep sorting my thoughts out here meanwhile.