Culo inquieto

Ya han pasado dos años desde que llegamos a California tras un paréntesis de otro año viviendo y trabajando en Madrid. El blog sigue su curso, esta vez más centrado en este "life'changing event" que nos está pasando. Y como siempre (o casi)el blog sigue llegando...¡¡¡EN ESPAÑOL!!! Sumamos y seguimos, y añadimos un nuevo miembro a nuestra familia: Sarita Do-Fernández.

sábado, 23 de julio de 2005


I hate how you don’t realise there is a wall in front of you until you bump into it! I hate I have heard the saying “you don´t know what you have until you miss it” (or something to that effect) until you actually go through the painful process of missing it.And it is because, all in all, no matter how rational I was when I explained everyone that I was aware of many things coming my way: aware that not all things in Spain are great; aware that not everything in California is bad; aware that I might miss many things.It has not been until I have been here that I have finally understood its full meaning.
But most of all I am terrbily sorry that I was not ware of the full impact this wold have in Vinh. He is right: his moving here and my moving to The States do not compare. I had great advantage: I knew the languge; there was a Spanish-people community; I had the resources to come back and visit every so often; I could have a well paid job in the same conditions as any other American teacher; I could easily get a driver’s lisence; I could go to college… The States has really been for me a country of opportunities.I think now I will not like that last statement coming from the lips of anyone who has not really experienced such opportunities.

We came here with the hope (still held, but weakened) that this would be a permanent move. We had the big bucks to buy the house right away, and the big plans to do big things. Things have been rolling very smoothly for us, so no complaints about that. But so many pieces are missing in the puzzle… not just one.
Granted there will always be things to be missed here and there, but how about the overall picture? I have one already, a little to soon, I know. I need to give time to Vinh to ellaborate his own overview and put it in the balance to see what pays more. But in my mind I have no doubt that I have never felt closer to living in San Jose, that right now San Jose calls me with such power that the least doubt or discomfort on Vinh’s part will be just whatever little might I am missing to make me hop on to the plane head first and be more happy than sad about it.

A year is going to pass for sure… I will keep sorting my thoughts out here meanwhile.

domingo, 17 de julio de 2005


It has been a little bit over a month since we arrived to Spain and I have just been studying and taking my test. Two days ago it was all over, and now I just have to wait until I get my scores. They will probably be out in about a week or so.
In the meantime I had one day to relax, well, sort of, because I could not help thinking about how much I missed my life in San Jose. I guess it is normal and I hadn´t thought about it before because I hadn´t really had a chance. And I hope once Vinh and I start working, we have our own place and new routines, we will be fine. But what if we are not? What if I can’t feel like I am home anymore?

I don´t know where home is anymore. I am here and somehow I don´t identify myself with here anymore, at least not as much as I used to when I came on vacation once or twice a year. Like Vinh said, things are not so sparkly as when we visited.Restaurants: yeah, Spanish food is delish, but there we had our bowls of pho, our chicken tikka massala, my gazpacho and tortilla de patatas… I feel I lack many things that I never fully appreciated when I was there.
In a way I even feel guilty that I didn’t, that now I miss many of the things I used to put down. And silently I take back I once said, I swallow them one by one. I miss our own little apartment, our going out with the bikes, meeting up with the family, with other Spanish people… going to the public library, to the Pruneyard, to Trader Joes… Our trips, fancy and beautiful trips that we will have to say bye to. Right now I see all the things I have to do without but the ones I have gained. Can somebody please point those out to me now?

I also need to admit that I feel goog about the fact that at least we came here and that we are giving it a try. Otherwise we would never know whether things could work out here or not and be wondering forever.
If they turn out good, great, if they don’t… we would have to pack everything again! And look for a job there, starting from scratch all over… We would be together, though, the only one thing that makes me feel fine. Somehow if I think of going through things hand in hand with Vinh, I feel safe.